i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was born a porn star she said
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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