You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
