Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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