I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
