I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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