My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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