Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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