My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
