She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
