We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
