Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
