He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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