I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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