I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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