A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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