Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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