So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
