so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
