When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
