I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
