Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize