If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
