Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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