eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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