hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
