i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
