standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
