You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
