Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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