So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
