it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
