We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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