I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize