I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
