Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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