every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
