how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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