Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
