i wish there were pregnant emoticons
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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