Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are the jesus of drinking
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize