Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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