I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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