with your own penis?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
