captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
