i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
