I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
