Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
