People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
