All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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