does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
