New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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