DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
