Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
