just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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