I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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