i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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