my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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