did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Where is the hickey?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize