Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
