I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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