it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
