I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
