Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize