Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
