I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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