So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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