so explain again why im purple
no
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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