at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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